think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
