i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
