I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
