My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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