i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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