she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They took my balls.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
