Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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