How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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