he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
