I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's great music for shaving your balls
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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