drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
