I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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