Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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