definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
