smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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