and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
