so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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