I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
