Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
