Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
