Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the day after is always just damage control
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
