Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
