Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
