I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
