they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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