Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
