I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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