I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
