I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
