Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
