were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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