Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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