I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
