He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
