p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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