dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
