Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
