At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
