I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
