I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
