she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
