Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
