Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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