Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
