Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
