we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
