oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
