Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize