By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
