On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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