Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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