Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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