Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bring me that man meat
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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