I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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