My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
