Jerry, you need to find god
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
