I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
