My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
