I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want to have your abortion
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
