Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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