Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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